ryan seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy

Ryan seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy skin#
Ryan seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy crack#

Just take one, and cement it into your mind forever. You don't have to remember a collection of minutiae about your life that you don't care about and other people don't pretend to care about. For example, mine is that when I was born, the doctor who delivered me gave me a black eye. The simple truth is that you only need a single interesting fact about yourself that you should burn into your memory like a quesadilla on an overheated skillet. How do I tell strangers about myself in a charming, single line? When I am asked for a fun fact about myself, this wipes my memory faster than my cat cleans the kitchen floor if I drop shredded Mexican blend cheese whilst making a quesadilla. Sam's been a bit busy this week, so I've decided to shoulder the Atlantean task of taking your queries and changing them sorcery-esque into sapience. Also, if I ever see Ryan Seacrest in person, I will kill him on sight.ĭearest Darling Andrew Chief Minutiae Correspondent Andrew Piotrowski Again, I did not lock myself in my trunk by accident, but if it were to happen, I would definitely fit well. Since I can only speculate about this, I feel like no one has to fact check me because it's just a solid feeling I have in my gut. Moral of the story is that, theoretically, if you were to lock yourself in the trunk of your car to see if you could fit comfortably, the answer is yes. Not to mention he holds an honorary doctorate so really, he hasn't accomplished anything on his own. Ryan's longest lasting relationship has been on/off at its best. to ask her to come get me out of my trunk, she would. If I were ever to call her at, let's say, 1:27 a.m. Unlike Seacrest, I'm lucky that I have a friend down the street. He has no talent to his name but an obscene amount of wealth that he hoards like a sack of garbage. Burberry and Blueberry are two Vienna Sausages from the same can. Afterwards, he moved onto a fashion line with Burberry. He founded Typo keyboard, a literal oxymoron that failed miserably and ripped off the Blackberry. This man creates nothing but empty chaos in the world. Despite its beauty and magnificence, the red tint of Mars reminded me of the evil Seacrest carries within him at all times.

Through a small crack in the window I could see Mars rising high in the South East sky, high above the car that I was definitely not in. Listen to me, the empty eyes of Seacrest haunted my Saturday. I wouldn't have to stand the man because he wouldn't be able to stand himself. We would never have been subjected to his line of custom designer shorts, or have had to watch him parade his knee caps and lack of scars around like a demented monkey freshly bathed from a lion attack. If he had lost feeling in his legs after the surgeries, his obsession with shorts never would've come to fruition.

Maybe they even added some leg above his knees, or skin to his hips. Clearly he underwent some height-altering plastic surgery in the mid 90's where they filled the bottom of his feet with latex implants. I refuse to believe for a second that this man is 5'7. It was in the darkness of my alleged trunk at midnight that I lost feeling in my legs. The family had to scatter the man's ashes in the ocean so Seacrest would never find him again. I suspect it was a fatal mixture of Seacrest's hairspray and teeth whitening chemicals that caused Dick Clark's stroke and heart attack.

There's literally no other reason I can think of why some guy named Ryan from Georgia would matter. His unwanted rise to fame started with his work on the Dick Clark show, and skyrocketed after Clark's death. I don't know if it's his lack of personality, or his stupid hair, but I want to vomit every time I see Seacrest on my screen. Do you remember when he tried to high-five a blind man? Yeah, me too. But since it was night and I had a solid hour and a half alone with my thoughts, all I could think about was how much I hate that small, vapid man. I'm not saying that scenario has ever happened to me, but what do these two things have in common? Last Saturday night.Īgain, I did not not get stuck in my trunk. Hypothetically, I'm also the first to climb into my trunk for curiosity's sake only to be locked in there. I'm the first to admit I hate Ryan Seacrest, especially when no one asks. The Trunk Administration Chief Blood Feud Correspondent Wendy Fernandez

Ryan seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy crack#

Ryan seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy skin#